Blog #34

Nov 1-December 18, 2022

I haven’t blogged in a long time.  I have my reasons. If you want to skip the sad stuff (and it’s the holidays, you may want to, no judging) just refer to the following list and you can see more fun stuff.

1. Tsunami of Grief
2. Thanksgiving – Grief Distraction
3. Goats? Sheep? Chickens?
4. Gingerbread House Competition
5. Friends’ Visit

Tsunami of Grief

I’ll admit, my mom’s passing has hit me hard.  It was so unexpected.  She went into the hospital on October 4^thin no cognitive decline, just a little short of breath.  Four days later, she had a diagnosis of acute myeloid leukemia. Six days after that, she was gone.  

At first, I thought that whole ten days was like a whirlwind. It spun me all around not knowing which way to turn.  Now I’m thinking a tsunami is a better metaphor.  Maybe we could have seen something building, the water drawing away from the beach, if we had known what to look for. The water hits the shallows and a large wave rises, overcomes you and drags you out to sea. Or maybe lands you back on the beach, gasping for air, bruised from your tumble in the ocean, still disoriented and trying to figure out where it came from, where it went.

And while we had a couple of days to say goodbye — something I will always be grateful for – I still can’t believe it’s over. There were so many things we were going to do together. And everything reminds me of her.

Thanksgiving – Grief Distraction

As if G-d has a plan, Thanksgiving was a light along the way to give me a distraction.  Having all my kids come in for the holiday was a blessing. We planned all kinds of activities, and also blocks of hang time, and meals. It did — and didn’t — really take my mind off grieving.  My mom would have loved to explore the River Arts District with us and see what the kids zeroed in on.  She would have loved the recipes we picked and been elbow to elbow helping the kids and I prep. Walks in the morning were her thing and we were taking those.  I made “her” walnut bourbon balls, a family favorite, days in advance of the kids’ arrival so they would have time to cure. They may have been saltier than usual; I tried to keep my tears out of the ingredient list.

We used her turkey platter at dinner. And like she taught us, we didn’t make gravy – just used the drippings.  She would have loved our drive-in movie night, the screen hanging on the wall, and she would have jumped in the mix and cozied up with the kids and their significant others. I know she was there.  I just wished she wasthere. 

When I talk to other people about it, I keep a stiff upper lip.  They don’t want to see me fall apart any more than I want to. Then a wave washes over me, and my blinking barely hides the upwelling of saline. 

Goats? Sheep? Chickens?

My mom was always looking forward to a new adventure. In keeping with her legacy, I am starting to research my newest challenges: Domesticated Animals.

We have a lot of lawn (mom wanted to learn how to mow with the tractor – of course!) and we heard that sheep are naturals trimming the grass. Which type? What do they require? Fencing is important, but how do I keep away predators—coyotes specifically.  Do I need a protection donkey – or llama? Or alpaca?  And should I get sheep that have better fiber so I can spin it for wool? And then maybe I want to add goats.  I always wanted goats. Angora goats have great fiber for knitting.

Anyway, I met another mom down here who has all these things and the chickens I want as well.  She’s showing me the ropes and sharing her contacts for hay (maybe I just need a farmer to hay our fields?), fencing, chickens, etc.  I’m trying to get up to speed really quickly while it’s winter and I have time to prep. She’s a great resource, but I keep wondering how this emergency doc with two young boys, a house 2 dogs and this farm does it all. Did I “do it all” when I was younger? I guess so but I honestly don’t know how.

Gingerbread House Competition

For example, ever since my kids were really little, I would hold a Gingerbread Open House around this time of year. Last year I was tempted to do it, but I barely had time to get all our packing done; adding another task onto our limited time would have been torture. I stopped doing it all for a year — or two.

Earlier this week I went to the National Gingerbread House competition that has been held at the Grove Park Inn (beautiful!) for 30 or so years. Lots of fun with new friends.  Not at all like our prefab houses from our annual party that we just decorated with tons of candy, etc. If nothing else, this is inspirational.

Friends’ Visit

Some friends from Long Island (hi Renee and Helen!) came to visit last weekend and I ran them ragged, exposing them to as much as possible in 36 hours. The Biltmore, downtown Asheville, the River Arts District, a hike and some BBQ and other good restaurants were all we could manage. That was plenty. I didn’t take enough pictures because we were having so much fun. We found time to have some good talks, the type you can have with friends of 20+ years that have gone through all the ups and downs with you. It was a real mini-vacation for us all – getting away from the ups and downs, the currents dragging us around in the sea of life.

I think the time periods between blogs has grown, mostly because I couldn’t keep up with my life.  We started The Long and Weinstein Road traveling, trying to find our new home. I had lots to report from different ports of call. Now that we have a home, we’re anchored a little bit. It won’t mean that we don’t have to bob with the waves, but I’m praying the tides won’t be so drastic for a while.